Happy Pride: A look into my illness and gender expression

I love the summer because June is Pride Month for the LGBTQ+ community and July is Disability Pride Month, two huge parts of who I am. For those of you who don’t know, I’m pansexual and genderqueer, with a preference for they/them pronouns.

Cushing’s disease changed my body entirely. Not only do I have striae, or stretch marks, all over my body, I also have a bigger belly and larger breasts. That causes me to have what most call an overtly feminine body type, regardless of how I feel on the inside. With one look at me, therefore, I’m usually perceived as a woman.

I’m not against that perception, because some days I do feel like a woman. Gender, for me, is a fun spectrum where I slide around and feel different depending on the day. So if a she/her is sent my way by a stranger, I do understand. For those closer to me, however, I hope they recognize my preferences and honor that something as simple as pronouns can help me feel more comfortable and gain confidence.

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Clothing for the genderqueer with Cushing’s

Clothing is a great way to celebrate gender expression, without a doubt. But my body weight has fluctuated a tremendous amount, which creates complications.

I gained 70 pounds with my first pituitary tumor, lost 30 post-surgery, gained back 50, and am now down 20 again with treatment. With time, I hope to lose more weight. But I can’t redo my wardrobe for every weight change; I just don’t have the funds to do it. That means I sometimes have a different look than I feel because I’ve gained 10 pounds back, and the clothes that I have at that weight appear more feminine.

Over time, I’ve gotten comfortable with how I present and the fact that I’m not always perceived the way that I want to be. Society is tough, Cushing’s is tough, and gender is tough. But here are a few ways I’m pushing myself to feel more comfortable in my gender expression, despite Cushing’s disease:

1. Giving my mobility aids a wide variety of looks
2. Buying a couple of clothing basics in multiple sizes so that I have comfortable options
3. Getting tattoos because they always make me feel more like myself
4. Embracing my long hair regardless of the day, because I adore my curls
5. Ditching makeup when it doesn’t feel rewarding.

My gender, to me, is just who I am. And though my body doesn’t always cooperate and let you see what I see, I know myself, my gender, my expression. And though I may seem feminine on days I don’t feel it, that’s OK — because Cushing’s is just as much a part of me as my gender, and I have to accept that they live in me simultaneously.

To my queer Cushing’s friends, happy Pride! Remember that your expression doesn’t dictate your gender, and that you’re perfect exactly as you are. Don’t let anybody diminish you, not even yourself.

You can also follow my journey on TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram.

Note: Cushing’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cushing’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Cushing’s.