I’m learning to treat my mobility aids as an extension of me
When it comes to accommodations, I need to stop apologizing
Recently, I was the bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding, but I was the only one using a mobility aid. Unfortunately, that made me feel a little self-conscious.
As we were discussing how to walk down the aisle, I started to panic. Should we link to our partner’s arm or hold their hand? Should we walk side by side? I was concerned because I couldn’t possibly hold someone’s arm, a bouquet of flowers, and my cane at the same time. But I didn’t want to make the moment about me. It was my friend’s wedding day, after all!
So I sat there sweating while they decided to link arms. As we lined up, I pulled the bride aside and quietly asked if I could walk differently. My friend, of course, had no problem with that. In fact, I was probably overthinking it. That being said, I wondered what would’ve happened if she’d said no. Walking down the aisle without my cane wasn’t an option.
It certainly wasn’t my friend’s fault, but I realized that instead of asking if I could walk down the aisle differently while using my cane, I should’ve simply told her. The cane is an extension of my body, and I need it and my wheelchair due to Cushing’s disease and osteoporosis.
As we continued rehearsing outdoors, it began to rain, so we moved inside. There, I had to walk up and down two stairs. It’s not a lot, but doing it repeatedly was hard for me. I eventually stopped and said, “I’m going to stand here and join my partner when he passes by. I can’t go up the stairs over and over.”
The bride understood and it wasn’t an issue. Overall, the situation made me realize that I needed to be more assertive about my needs. My mobility aids are a part of me, and I’m still getting used to having them. But I need to stop apologizing for them.
Moving forward
Following are a few examples of how I’ve phrased things in the past, followed by how I plan to phrase them in the future.
Past: “Hey, are there stairs there? I might be able to make it work, but I’d prefer if we could pick a place with an elevator.”
Now: “I’d love to go, but I can’t if there are stairs.”
Past: “Is it all right if I bring my wheelchair?”
Now: “Hey, I’ll be bringing my wheelchair today.”
Past: “I apologize, but I can’t make it to your apartment because it has stairs. Can we go somewhere else? Sorry.”
Now: “I can’t make it up there due to stairs, but here are some alternatives.”
It’s taken me a while to embrace this big change in my life and use my mobility aids more freely. I’ve found new ways to style them so that I feel more comfortable. I think I got so used to pushback as an ambulatory wheelchair user that I started apologizing for needing them. I’m working on fixing that and wholeheartedly embracing my canes and wheelchair.
You can also follow my journey on TikTok and YouTube.
Note: Cushing’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cushing’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Cushing’s.
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