Living alone for a while makes me realize how much I miss my husband
Managing Cushing's anxiety and other tasks by myself is challenging
Last week, my husband and I sent all of our stuff away in a pod. A few days later, he packed up our car with all of our belongings, kissed me goodbye, and drove off to Michigan to close on our new house and start a new job.
I’m staying behind to get our apartment back to how we found it four years ago, take care of our cats, finish up my in vitro fertilization (IVF) tasks (if timing works out), do a walk-through of our apartment, and wrap up a few things before following him in 10 days.
That means that for the first time in nearly eight years, I’m living by myself. I’m cooking every meal, taking care of our two adorable cats, and handling all my medical needs due to Cushing’s disease alone.
It’s funny, because I consider myself to be quite independent, but I rely on my husband for a lot. He often acts as my caregiver, and his involvement varies. Some weeks, I do everything myself, while other weeks, he’ll help with the cooking and administering my subcutaneous injections and other medications. When I was at my worst, he even helped me bathe. Now, no matter how sick I feel, I’m on my own.
In many ways, it’s made me much more grateful to have him. He provides an enormous amount of emotional support. I’m currently on estrogen to prepare for an IVF procedure, which has made me rather emotional. I’ve cried over little things like TV shows and pictures of babies, and my husband would just hold me. Now that I find myself in an empty apartment, I’ll text him every detail of a TV episode so he can understand exactly why I’m crying.
It might seem silly, but this is such an emotional time for me, and I’m dealing with so much. I’m not taking most of my meds because they’re dangerous for a fetus, which only adds to my stress. My cortisol levels are all over the place. Every little thing makes me want to topple over.
On top of that, we’re in the process of moving to another state, leaving my friends and parents behind. My husband and I were both born here in New York, and it’s wild that we’re starting over in a new place. And attempting to have a baby is probably one of the most insane processes for us ever. So of course I’m emotional! And anxiety from Cushing’s disease only makes it worse.
I have five days of progesterone shots coming up, which terrifies me. I can take my pills easily, but injections with big needles are a little rough to do by myself. I’m hoping my community will be able to assist me, but we’ll see how it goes. For now, my cats and I will just move along and hope we get our security deposit back.
You can also follow my journey on TikTok and YouTube.
Note: Cushing’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cushing’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Cushing’s.
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