I Have Cushing’s, but Cushing’s Doesn’t Have Me
I’d love to say that I’m always strong, but the truth is I’m not. Positivity is a look I wear well, but everyone has bad hair days. In my weaker moments, I try to remind myself that the beauty of being human is that we have imperfections, but sometimes the criticism committee that resides in my mind takes over.
My journey with Cushing’s disease has led to anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, emotional sensitivity, cognitive impairments, sleep issues, body image issues, and more. It’s hard to believe that I can function while dealing with all of this, but I do.
It’s important to listen to what my body and mind are telling me. If I feel overwhelmed by a stressful situation, I try to minimize my involvement in it, since my body is so sensitive to stress. But if I can’t avoid the situation, I’ve learned to practice coping techniques, including meditation, concentrated breathing, stargazing, cloud watching, cooking, and watching funny shows and movies.
Finding things that increase my dopamine and serotonin levels is helpful, since cortisol is essentially playing tug of war with these neurotransmitters. When cortisol levels are high, as is the case in Cushing’s disease, levels of these neurotransmitters tend to be dragged through the mud. Chronically elevated cortisol levels can deplete dopamine and serotonin, causing me to feel less motivated and like a rain cloud is constantly hovering over me.
To my understanding, intrusive thoughts can be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. I haven’t been diagnosed with the disorder, but I experience symptoms that are consistent with it, including intrusive thoughts, obsessive habits, and the fear that if I don’t do something a certain way, something bad will happen. I haven’t seen any research that suggests an association between Cushing’s and OCD, but I am curious about it. Leave a comment below if you’re a Cushing’s patient with similar experiences!
Sometimes I feel as though my life will never be the same as it was before my diagnosis and transsphenoidal tumor resection in 2020. I continuously search for happiness, but it’s been a while since I’ve experienced that feeling. I’m starting to think that happiness feels different now. I feel different now. I recognize that the person I was prior to Cushing’s disease has not vanished entirely; there are old pieces of myself embedded in this new self that I’m creating.
One of my favorite quotes, which often is attributed to the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus, is, “Change is the only constant in life.” I battle with that thought daily because I know it’s true, but coping with change is still hard for me. Change stresses me out because it brings many unknowns. But I am learning to flow like water, adapting to whatever life throws my way.
I say that I have Cushing’s, but Cushing’s doesn’t have me, because at the end of the day, these were the cards that were dealt to me, but I decide how I’ll play them.
Note: Cushing’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cushing’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Cushing’s.
About the Author
Anna Ward
I had the same experience with OCD and Cushing’s. I’ve always had OCD, but it got much worse when I was diagnosed in July 2020.
Cynthia Duke
. I would like to discuss with someone Cushing Disease due to cyst on right adrenal gland. I had surgery 2 years ago and feel that it didn't cure the disease.
Jennie Busteed
My 18 yo daughter had Cushing's disease (pituitary tumor). Right around the time she started gaining weight, she developed severe OCD and was in a residential treatment center for 6 months. I asked a Dr. then if she might have Cushing's because she had most of the symptoms. I'm also a RN. He laughed in my face and said she couldn't have it because it's rare. She got MUCH better in treatment but not 100%. Then she gained 100lbs in 6 months. Long story short, she did have Cushing's and had surgery. She doesn't have anything that would make you think she ever had OCD. In her case, I think it was caused by Cushing's.
Muhammad Omer Azhar
Im currently 19, Im from Pakistan. I started to experience severe OCD symptoms at the time i hit puberty around age 14 and my cortisol levels (at the time i didnt know anything about hormones) rose so much that it would cause inflammation on my face and cause my entire body to become tense ( every muscle would get tense and i couldnt even walk or stand normally, my muscles lost the ability to coordinate normally), it started to severly impair my speech, badly affected my studies. I got 2nd position in my class in 7th grade but as soon as these symptoms started after puberty, my grades started to fall from 8th grade onwards. A year ago i also noticed that when i stopped myself from doing compulsions and obsessions due to my OCD, my cortisol levels would fall and these symptoms would go away. After 6 years of agony my body finally tarted feeling normal, i could talk and walk normally and my cognitive abilities returned aswell. But I also noticed that i might also have excess-aromatase syndrome even though im a boy. This could explain why my cortisol levels rose up dramatically when i got exposed to pornography in my late teens and i would exhibit worse symptoms like abnormal pigmentation ( patches of dark skin) and moon face and so on ( all symptoms of Cushings disease). I always looked for answers but it appears i finally understand my disease. I am close to beating it since it only starts showing symptoms when i either engage my OCD or am exposed to hyper stimulating content (Since estrogen is known to raise cortisol levels, especially in individuals with OCD) . 2024 is approaching and im happy with my progress since im enroute to entering my dream university and most of the bad symptoms dont show up anymore. I might be finally free but I had to give it my best to finally win against it, I hope that anyone out there suffering from it will find peace one day. Keep fighting this war!