How living with Cushing’s disease is like a modern-day ‘Moby-Dick’
Unlike Ahab, though, I'm not fighting the 'whale'
Written by |
If you haven’t read “Moby-Dick,” you’ve probably at least heard of it. The 19th-century novel by Herman Melville tells the story of a man driven to madness by his pursuit of a giant white sperm whale.
Captain Ahab’s quest for vengeance borders on obsession: The whale took his leg, and now he is determined to take its life. In the end (spoiler alert), the whale’s immense power sends Ahab and his crew overboard.
Still, throughout the tale, Ahab is relentless in his pursuit. Harpoons, men, boats — all are sacrificed to this magnificent creature. Ultimately, there’s no evidence the whale is ever killed, and all the sacrifice is for naught.
Cushing’s disease is my Moby Dick. My journey began in 2018, shortly after I graduated college. In just a month, I gained over 70 pounds, developed deep striae, constant headaches, unexplained bruising, and eventually, major depression. I battled for two years to get a diagnosis, finally receiving one during the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020. Because of the pandemic, I had to travel all the way to a neurosurgeon in Texas for pituitary tumor removal and was forced to recover alone in an ICU with no visitors.
I spent one year feeling well before my body betrayed me again. This time, the symptoms returned with a vengeance — 10 times worse than before. My bones deteriorated, my body ached, the headaches became blinding, and my eyesight began to fail. Once again, I was forced to face my beast. Endless testing, imaging, and blood work led to the devastating realization: My Cushing’s disease was back.
So I fought back. I took medication, changed my diet, and did everything I could to take care of myself. But the whale would not be tamed. Eventually, I was forced into a wheelchair and became dependent on mobility aids. The lack of accessibility forced me to leave my home city.
Cushing’s returned during my pregnancy, pushing me past my limits and causing me to give birth over three months early. The disease struck again during a recent MRI, revealing not just one tumor, but two. Now, there’s a high chance that new tumors will continue to grow, even if the current ones are removed.
Eight years after my first symptom, I’m still here, turning 30 this week. I have a beautiful daughter and a home. I enjoy my job, and I’m pursuing my passion for writing. Despite my whale — the one that hasn’t left my side for years — I seem to be doing all right.
Unlike Ahab, though, I learned early on that I cannot defeat the whale. If I tried, I would fail time and again, and my recurring tumors are proof. Instead, I’ve learned to swim alongside her. Sometimes she knocks me under, but other times, she lets me cling to her side and steers me forward. She isn’t a companion I would’ve chosen, but she’s mine. By choosing to swim with her rather than against her, I’ve found a measure of peace.
You can also follow my journey on TikTok and YouTube.
Note: Cushing’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cushing’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Cushing’s.
Leave a comment
Fill in the required fields to post. Your email address will not be published.