The Letter to Myself I Needed to Write

Dear Me,

I know what you’re thinking. There’s a desperate voice in your head begging for your body to return to the way it was before this disease. There are spiraling questions that seem to lead to no answers: “Why can’t I lose weight?” “What am I doing wrong?” “Why is this happening to me?” Not all answers we seek are meant to be revealed to us in the moment they’re asked. Sometimes a sequence of events must lead up to our answers so that the impact is everlasting. Sometimes we’re not ready to comprehend specific information; that’s why we must wait until we are ready.

I know what you’re feeling. Exhaustion consumes you, and you don’t know how much longer you can tolerate the torture. Your body feels brittle and doesn’t measure up to the strength of your spirit. Guilt is placed upon your heart and seems to grow heavier each day you don’t have answers.

I know what you see. An unrecognizable version of yourself. A stranger. A layer that you wish would shed like reptilian scales to reveal the person you know still exists under the surface of your reflection. You see hatred for what you seem to have become. You see mirrored eyes infused with a burning rage that only soften when you succumb to a rainfall of tears.

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You and I share the same experience, yet a different perspective. My sequence of events occurred, and answers were revealed to me the moment they were intended to.

“Why can’t I lose weight?” You have Cushing’s disease, caused by a brain tumor in your pituitary gland.

“What am I doing wrong?” You have no fault in this situation. This is something you have to go through so you can grow through the lessons this experience was meant to teach you.

“Why is this happening to me?” Troubling circumstances are often perceived negatively, but please hear me when I say there is a positive explanation. Growing up, you’ve always said you wanted to help people, but you weren’t sure how to do that. You were given the blessing of living through a traumatic experience, and this gives you a voice. This happened so you can use this experience to help others who are going through the same, or similar, situations.

Every moment you experience in life is an opportunity for learning and growth. Each moment you have on this earth is a literal blessing. It just boils down to what your perception of the experience is.

Writing to you now, I can tell you a few things that have changed. You love yourself more than you did pre-Cushing’s, unconditionally. You seek the light in dark moments. You’ve started to pursue your talents. You fearlessly confront your shadows, and you’re open to taking on whatever life brings your way.

You are resilient. You are powerful. Use it to elevate your life as well as others’.

With love,

Brandy

Note: Cushing’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cushing’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Cushing’s.