The power of music gets me through my hardest health battles
When life feels dark, my favorite artists offer light and hope
My health has been drowning me lately. Not only did I have to deal with COVID-19, but also it’s the time of year when many of my regular medical appointments take place.
I have an annual pituitary MRI to gauge the size and location of the tumor that caused me Cushing’s disease. There’s also my annual gynecology checkup to monitor my polycystic ovary syndrome and my quarterly blood work. It all happens now.
I’m covered in dark bruises from the endless cycle of needles pushing their way into my skin. From medication to blood draws to contrast injections, my arms are full of holes. It’s painful, and my skin has been poked and prodded so much that it feels like it’s barely clinging to my muscles.
On top of that, I have to see a few additional specialists for ongoing issues. I’ve had excruciating pain in my foot, and my white blood cell counts have been high for about eight months. In the next few weeks, I have appointments with hematologists, my primary care provider, and podiatrists.
To say I’m overwhelmed would be an understatement. At times like these, I often rely on the power of music. When I need a few good cries, beautiful melodies and soulful lyrics help keep me going. Recently, Chappell Roan and Noah Kahan have been my saving grace.
‘Oh, dear, don’t be discouraged’
One particular Kahan song has been repeating over and over in my head. “Call Your Mom” tugs on my heartstrings, as the song discusses spiraling and dealing with mental health issues, particularly depression. However, one line has been keeping me afloat: “Don’t let this darkness fool you/ All lights turned off can be turned on.”
When my life turns into medical appointment after medical appointment, I start begging the universe for a win. I feel numb, like nothing will ever go well for me. I spiral — hard. What if nobody ever wants to read the book I’ve been working on? What if I never make more money than I do right now? Am I just a burden to everyone around me? Why am I trying so hard to keep myself afloat when I could give in to the darkness?
It’s a hard mindset to dig myself out of. That’s why I love Kahan’s lyrics so much. They remind me that this isn’t how life will always be. It might be hard now, but I can dig myself out. I will dig myself out.
God, I want “all lights turned off can be turned on” tattooed onto every inch of my body. My lights are off right now, and it feels like I’ve been sitting in the darkness forever. But they can be turned on. They will be turned on. I just need to give myself time and do whatever it takes to climb back to the surface.
During my hardest times, I’m thankful for art — for music, movies, writing, painting. It gives me a release like nothing else can. Art is always what gets me through my most difficult battles.
What songs should I listen to next? Please let me know in the comments. You can follow my journey more closely on TikTok or YouTube.
Note: Cushing’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cushing’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Cushing’s.
About the Author
Kathy Beitch
Hi, I am the mother of a daughter that has Cushing.
She had surgery about a month ago. They found a tumor that
Was in the brain. She is still experiencing a lot of symptoms
As they adjust her hormones after the surgery. She of course is pretty depressed that her life as she knew it has been taken away
From her. She has cut herself from her friends because she is too embarrassed about her appearance which are of course caused by the Cushing. She is scared that she will never get her life back. She is overwhelmed and tired of people asking her to be patient. I was wondering if you could give me information on how she could get on your site so she can talk to people that have been through this type of experience. Thank you so much for writing the article giving people access to more information regarding this illness. I pray you
Will heal from this illness soon. Than you Kathy
Noura Costany
Hi Kathy! I'm sorry your daughter is dealing with so much. My Tiktok and Youtube are linked to the bottom of every article, feel free to give her both. Tiktok has a bigger support group for sure.