How I mentally adjust when I start comparing myself to others
With Cushing's disease, I've been through a lot more than many folks
I turn 30 in a few months, which has me reflecting on how my life has unfolded. Have I done enough to give back to others? Am I as far along with my career and other ambitions as my peers are?
Reflecting helps me outline the things I still want to do, such as volunteering more, promoting the books I’ve written, and helping people with Cushing’s disease and other chronic illnesses.
Like many people, I’m occasionally guilty of comparing myself to others, which is human nature. But I’ve often found that when I do it, I’ll see healthy people and think I should be where they are in life. I’ll overlook the years when I was struggling to simply stay alive.
A Cushing’s life
When I got sick during college, I didn’t understand what was happening to me. Then, after I graduated, everything progressed quickly. I gained 70 pounds in a month, experienced extreme changes to my vision, and was unable to function. It took two agonizing years for me to be diagnosed while enduring countless doctor appointments, constant pain, and debilitating emotional distress. I couldn’t work, and spent most of my time trying to force myself awake.
In 2020, during the COVID-19 pandemic, I had endoscopic transsphenoidal surgery to remove my first pituitary tumor. This was an intense surgery requiring me to travel to Texas from New York, followed by six months of recovery. Afterward, my cortisol levels dwindled, and I spent much of my recovery in bed, with such extreme pain that I could barely function.
When I finally recovered and started to get my life back, I thought I’d be myself again. But Cushing’s disease had other plans. A year later, the disease returned. Since then, I’ve been on medication to treat it, as well as going through the process of in vitro fertilization because Cushing’s affects fertility.
In my 20s, while many of my healthy friends were starting new jobs, dating, and living in new cities, I was fighting to stay alive. I didn’t feel stable with my health until just last year, and even now I have to take daily medications, undergo multiple MRIs throughout the year, constantly be monitored by doctors, and deal with pain and other issues.
I try to remember all of this when I start comparing myself to others. I might be behind them, so to speak, but I’ve gone through a decade of being diagnosed, having surgery, taking medication, and enduring pain. I’ve had to fight harder than others. And 30 years old is still young. I can still volunteer, find the right place for my books, and continue to get my writing out there. I can find ways to help people with chronic illnesses so that I feel like I’ve given something back in return for the amazing community I’ve discovered.
If you have a chronic illness and are comparing yourself to others, too, please remember how hard you’ve had to fight. You’ve been through more than most people, and you’re incredibly strong. Life isn’t linear. Follow your heart, keep fighting, and be proud of what you’ve accomplished. And I’ll try to do the same.
You can also follow my journey on TikTok and YouTube.
Note: Cushing’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cushing’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Cushing’s.
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