Intersecting identities: The similarities in being queer and chronically ill
Both require self-advocacy, and that has made me stronger
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Being queer and chronically ill are two huge parts of who I am. I’m proud of both of the identities that influence my community and my life. For a long time, these two parts of me felt like a Venn diagram where the circles didn’t even touch. However, over time, they’ve started to overlap.
It wasn’t until I moved from New York City to Michigan that I realized how often I have to “come out.” I’m pansexual and genderqueer, which means I like all genders and don’t personally identify as any specific gender. Gender and sexuality are fluid, and I embrace that. However, since moving, I’ve had to come out more often. My community in New York knew that my preferred pronouns are “they/them.” They were there for my previous relationships with people of all genders and along for the ride as I discovered myself.
However, here in Michigan, I’m a blank slate. I have to reintroduce myself as queer and push for people to use my preferred pronouns. I often wonder when the right time to do this is. First introductions? Casually over coffee? Blurt it out over text?
I have to come out about having Cushing’s disease, too. I use mobility aids, but not constantly, and many of the people I’ve met are neighbors who don’t see me using my cane while sitting on my porch. But bringing up my illness can be difficult. Between “How are you?” and “Nice weather today,” should I whisper, “I’m not as healthy as I appear?” Or, maybe, “Sometimes I’ll be in a wheelchair, but that’s normal for me.”
Finding community and fighting for myself
I’m finding a balance in sharing these identities with others. However, that’s not the only similarity between my queerness and disability.
One of the most beautiful aspects of both communities is their acceptance. I’ve never felt more understood than during my first interview for this columnist position. Everyone I talked to at Bionews, the parent company of this website, told me their stories, and I was able to share mine. I felt completely seen.
There is a unique and special understanding in this community. I don’t have to beg other people with chronic illness to meet me where I am or to be kind when I’m flaring or feeling extra sick. The same goes for the queer community. I don’t have to explain my queerness; I’m accepted as I am.
Lastly, I’ve learned from both communities how to fight for myself. In terms of my queerness, I’ve had people fight back on my pronouns and sexuality. I’ve been told that “they/them” pronouns are plural, and I’m only one person. I’ve also been told that, since I married a man, I can’t possibly be pansexual, despite my past dating experience.
With Cushing’s, I’ve had to advocate for myself around medical professionals, friends, and family who thought I was making up how sick I was, offered unhelpful advice, and didn’t understand my use of mobility aids. I’ve been told I’d walk better if I abandoned my wheelchair altogether, and that changing my diet would rid my body of tumors.
As aggravating as it is to have both identities questioned so fervently, fighting for myself has made me stronger. I don’t doubt my queerness, disability, or strength. I’ve fought hard to be here, and I’m proud of both parts of me.
Happy Pride Month! Stay true to yourself.
You can also follow my journey on TikTok and YouTube.
Note: Cushing’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cushing’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Cushing’s.
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